Pancho Jose

Panchoken Spin Kick
Bear Hug
Armageddon Demolition Death Bash
E-mail Hack
Whoops ass at NHL 98

... The children all followed Pancho down the road as he began to leave their village. "Thank you for beating the evil Gregg Arraki for us!!! Will you stay and read a story to us? Please, mister Pancho?!"
Pancho turned to them, his silky hair glistening in the sun, and said, "I'm sorry children. I must return home to my wife and twenty-three children. They are in danger from Sanchez, an evil monster almost as horrible as Gregg Arraki. He threatens to make movies worse than "The Doom Generation".
At the mere mention of the nightmarishly bad film, the children cringed. They knew what Pancho had to do, and they let him go. But they would always remember the kind-hearted hunk that cared enough to rescue them from horrible films by beating evil directors to a bloody pulp with his gigantic anal beads.