The Most Unbiased Review Ever Written of The Hateful Dead's 'Temptress'

1/7/04 by scott

Watashi-wa Nihongo-ga wakarimasen. I don't understand Japanese. And I never will now, thanks to the Hateful Dead. See, Kim and I went to the library the other day, and I thought I would better myself a little and get one of those 'How to Speak Japanese' books on CD. It's been going pretty well, except for the fact that last week I went back to Carbondale and bought the Hateful Dead's 'Temptress'. Now I can't listen to that Japanese CD for more than ten minutes without thinking 'this time cruising down MLK drive would be much better spent making the devil sign to everyone with an unholy noise pulsating from my vehicle.'

Temptress is simply the most important piece of sonic art mankind has ever created.

Seriously. I'm not just saying that because they used my artwork for the cover and used to play in my basement, either.

Take out a piece of paper and a pen, and write down your top five favorite albums of all time. What's on there? Fleetwood Mac? Abbey Road? Mudhoney? Well, erase them all. Actually, I guess if you got a pen earlier you can't erase, so just scribble them out. Either way, forget about 'em, because the Hateful Dead just left their charred remains smoking along with everything else on their path of worldwide destruction. Justin Timberlake? Hanging from the side of a gutted out building, impaled on shards from the rock explosion. Dave Matthews? His mangled, urine soaked corpse is spread out on the street with cigarette butts smoldering in his eye sockets. Phil Collins? Well, I kind of lost where I was going with this, but the point you should get out of it is that the Hateful Dead kick ass.

Of course, you probably already know who the Hateful Dead are if you have known me for any length of time. They're the loud guys that used to play in our basement at 508, in case you were too drunk to remember. They're also the guys who were kind enough to get a few Grandpa's Lap release parties shut down by the cops because they were too loud for the elderly residents of Pecan Street. They're also genuinely really swell guys, and fun to have at cocktail parties.

So if you know them already, you're probably thinking, 'I know who the Hateful Dead are, you moron, but how does the CD sound?' Why, it sounds awesome, of course! How could it not? Actually, there are a couple of tracks that aren't mixed as well as they could be, most noticeably on 'That One', which is a really good song with a really cool intro after 'Action Street' finishes. It's kind of disappointing, because 'Action Street' rocks all ass, and then you want to rock out during 'That One', but you just keep thinking, 'Man, these drums are too overpowering.' But that's okay, because it still rocks more than 90% of everything else on the planet.

Actually, the only thing that really sucks about this CD is the cover art, which the guys had enough sense to cover with tin foil so no one could see how bad it is until after they've paid for it. Actually, the CD comes wrapped in tin foil with electrical tape on the back that tells you what number CD you have in the limited edition of 100. I have 7 and 11 (I bought two so I could leave one intact and listen to the other.) There's also masking tape taping the case shut, which is a great gimmick.

If I would have had a Christmas list this year, Temptress would have been on it. I've been looking forward to this CD for a long time now, and it's exactly what I was hoping for. All of the songs sound exactly like they did in my head before I heard the CD, which is a big compliment. You know how a lot of times you go see a band, and then you buy their CD later and it just doesn't capture the live sound? Well, the Hateful Dead have captured the booze-fueled rock essence of all the shows I remember them playing in Carbondale, so now I can listen to them all I want as I'm drinking whiskey on the way to work in the morning. So go check out the Hateful Dead if you haven't already. They play in Carbondale all the time, and their CD is available at P Mac music in Carbondale. And if you don't live in C'dale, it's worth the road trip.