9/13/04 by oldestgenxer

Im sorry, there Phil, but having an article on the top about dookie is a little crass. Plus, I just posted this on muchingirl, and it is brilliant. And, nobody thought I would be the first to post an article, and here I am with two.

I don't bitch a whole lot. I get along with most people. I even get along with people other people dont like. So, if I have a problem with someone, chances are, other people hate him.
I have been, as I said, in foodservice for over 18 years. That is like 143 years at a regular job, because of the turnover. I have worked in dozens of locations, for dozens more different bosses, with several hundred different people. I alone have hired hundreds, and fired several dozen. At this point I have to explain, for my own self-respect, that this character I am about to describe is in no way special, unique, the last straw, the most, the least, the superalitive in any category. He is merely the most recent. He is going to work for me when I buy the restaraunt, a fact which he knows yet the reality seems to be lost on him. He is a young college punk. 'nuff said. I will no longer engage him to his satisfaction, instead going to my arsenal, which is sarcasm.
He doesn't get sarcasm, which is strange, because he is a genius. But for all of his egocentric behavior and ramblings, he is very sensitive, delicate, fragile. He freely abuses everyone in a very matter-of-fact, psychoanalytical style, but to say anything to him, even constructive critisism of the lightest kind or just a "hey, dont forget that" will result in endless minutes of backtracking, explanation, rationalization, blame-placing, and denial. At this point I find it comical. So I wrote the following today, and most of the statements contained herein have come from his mouth. This is what I imagine that he thinks that I should be thinking:

I certainly hope that I am up to this daunting task. I know that I am completely unqualified to own and run this business. My only hope, my shining light in the darkness, is Sean. I fear that he may leave when I take over,because of my inadaquacy. I know that my level of knowledge and skill and experience are completely useless when compared to his vast 6 years of delivery experience.
Perhaps I can bargain with him, make some kind of deal. It would be in my best interest to keep him. Obviously, the most efficient use of labor would be to hrie him as a consultant for $1000/week, so that I may learn at his feet and bask in his glow. It would be well worth it, because he seems to have all of the answers, and is quite willing to dispense his knowledge at length. Forever. How can I compare what I know to his vast 6 years of delivery experience?
I do know that things run much more smoothly when he is working, despite my nervousness. His ever-watchful, analytical eye, professionally critiquing my skills gives me butterflies, but I know it is for the best if I can learn from him. I only hope that I am not too far gone, too useless to be retrained, in the school of Sean. If only he would accept me as a disciple, that he could lead me to enlightment. Obviously, my job is so simple a monkey could do it, and yet I can't seem to, so luckily I have him to pull my butt out of the fire. And not just me. Whenever a bag is mispacked, or food is forgetten, or a customer doesnt know where they live, he is graciously willing to point out the faults of others,making sure everyone knows who is really to blame when something goes wrong: Anyone but him.
I could sit for hours and listen to him talk, at great length, of how things should be, and how they would be, if only we would do the right thing, which is listen to him. To make sure no lessons are lost on us, he repeats them invariably. What a great teacher. In the tradition of Plato. Who, by the way, also had a minor in psychology and a major in archeology. With such training, of course he should lead us, and we should follow. We would be fools not to.

Let him be our King. Our Saviour. Our Caesar. Because of his 6 years of delivery experience. And some 200 level courses in intro to psych at the local community college.