9/24/04 by mushingirl

Turning the clock back to 1997 I remember going to St. Louis to see the re-release of a revered film from my childhood, Star Wars. Also known by the name of it's episode, A New Hope, the re-release of the classic did not live up to my expectations.

Thus began the steady decline in my trust in Star Wars creator George Lucas. You see, kids of my generation had practically diefied Mr. Lucas (or crasy George as I shall refere to him from now on). He had brought us a trilogy of films that redefined the science fiction genre. Now crazy George tampered with the integrity of the original work.

This is not to say I did not like all of the new special effects and added scenes. In fact, I was not as bothered by the added Jabba the Hut scene as some of my friends. I was, however, disturbed that crazy George had modified the scene in the canteena between Han Solo and Greedo. He changed it so that Greedo fired first.

Big deal, you may say. Good for George, he made Han's killing of Greedo an act of self defence, you may say. Fuck all that! The evolution of the morality of Han Solo was an important sub plot in A New Hope. Han was an outlaw with a price on his head. He was a man who shot first and didn't bother with the questions. He was out for number one, and that was it.

It was only through the bond he forged with Luke and the others that changed his mind about the greater good of the rebellion. This change made his selfless return to the battle at the Death Star carry more weight. Now Han had been reduced to a down on his luck fella who happened to owe a crime boss a lot of money. No character evolution at all.

So began the downward spiral of crazy George. Ever an optimist, I headed to the teatre to see the remastered Empire Strikes Back. Once again I was bombarded with dazzling new special effets that neither bothered nor overly impressed me. And once again my stomach was turned at small revisions made that completely undermined character development.

Empire was about the evolution of Luke's development as a Jedi. Technically a Padawan at the end of the first film, Luke journeyed to Dagobah to further his training. While there he learned much, including his first confrontation with the dark side. Although not a Jedi at the time he left Dagobah to help his friends, he was most definately a Jedi in training.

In the original, when Luke and Vader have their first meeting and Vader hits Luke with the truth about dad, Luke is emotional. He then gains his composure and makes a decision not to join him and plunges to the depths of the cloud city. The key here is "he regains his composure." He reaches back to his training and pulls up the control of his emotions that Yoda said was so important.

In the revamp of the late 90's there is a change. WHen Luke jumps off of the antena array he screams like a bitch as he falls. This completely undermines the scene. Crazy George once again destroys solid character deveolopment. He makes Luke loose the composure that defined the scene by screaming as he fell.

It was now evident that that fucker was out to screw up the movies we came to love so much. His kindler, gentler versions, although digitally dazzling, were crap in comparrison. With two simple changes, among others noted by fans world wide, he had undermined the integrity of the classics.

I was so put off by this time that I did not even bother going to see Jedi in the theatres. I clung to my VHS boxed set of the original films as the standard. Time passed.

Then, in the summer of 1999 (I think) the long awaited Episode I came to theatres. I was caught up in the mania once again. I could not wait to see the stories that led to my beloved trilogy.

I was really stoked. Liam Neeson is so hot, not to mention how cute EwanMcGregory is. Added to this was a chance to see a young Yoda and the other legendary Jedi who would soon parish in the Clone Wars. Wow, I couldn't wait. When I went to see it, I loved it.

As the excitement of the long awaited film faded and I watched it again and again (hooray for video) my taste for the film began to decline. Yes, Qui Gon was cool and yes Obi Wan was cute. But what the fuck are midichlorians?!? Are you telling me that the cool Jedi stuff which seemed so mystical and metaphysical in nature from the original trilogy were some sort of mutant ability made stronger by the presence of a greater number of midichlorians?

What the fuck!?!

So, once again crazy George undermines one of the powerful and compelling components of the original trilogy by scientifically explaining the force. Thanks George, you fuck.

Add to this the rather high annoyance factor of Jar Jar Binks and it almost makes you cry. Then, as if all of this is not bad enough, Qui Gon dies like a punk. Qui Gon, the Jedi who trained the legendary Obi Wan Kenobi died easily at the hands of a midget in face paint. Then his student, still a Padawan at this point, manages to lop the midget in half. Wow! That makes perfect sense. Thanks George, you rule.

Through all of this I kept my head held high. I continued to hold out hope for the films, having faith it would get better. It did not. I was so disappointed by the second episode, I have not seen it since my original viewing. For this reason I can not go into as much detail about what I did not like. I am proud, however, to have so successfully blocked it mentally.

Now fans are treated to a DVD release of the original trilogy. Something which should have been done years ago. Crazy George wisely kept it in his pocket until he needed it as a diversion so he could break the news that the last film will not be ready when he thought it would.

One might think that the DVD set would be a good opportunity to have the original theatrical release as well as the super-digitized updates I have come to hate. No such luck, that would make too much sense and be positive for the fans. No, instead crazy George has further modified his modifications for the most important fan, himself.

He has justified his changes by telling everyone that the films are for him, not for us. I understand creative integrity and the desire to re-work your creations, but this is rediculous. If I had a fan base like his I would not completely change the original on a whim because it is not what I wanted that week. That is just me though, I am not a mega zillionare who is only out to market my overworked product in an attempt to make yet more money at the cost of the integrity of my original product.

Now crazy George is not completely gone from his sanity. He did have the presence of mind to remove the scream from Luke as he plunged in defiance of his evil father. He also replaced the four or so lines that Bobba Fett spoke with voice overs from the actor who played Jengo Fett, they are after all clones. There are also some minor revisions with the image of the Emporer in Empire. All of these make sense and add to the continuity of the entire body or work. Look readers, I just said something positive about crazy George.

Two changes, however, rub me the wrong way. The first is minor and just a personal dislike of a character, so take it as you will. In Jedi, after the rebellion wins, there is added footage of celebration from other places in the empire not included in the original. Among these is a small celebration on Nabboo from Jar Jar Binks. Ack, jsut when we thought we wouldn't see him any more. Pee eew!

The other change, however, is indicative of the simple fact that crazy George has lost his mind. In Jedi, when we see the reuinted spirits of Yoda, Obi Wan and Anakin, crazy George has replaced the image of an elderly Anakin with the image of the young Anakin. How does this make sense? The Yoda force ghost is old, like Yoda when he died. The Obi Wan force ghost is old, like Ben when he died. Would it not make sense that the Anakin force ghost would be old. Is was perfect that we saw him as he would have been had he not been so tainted by the dark side. Illustration of the redemption of his soul. I just don't get the change.

When questioned about the changes crazy George just says, "hey, it's mine, I will do with it what I want." Fine fucker. Spit on the spirit of the original. The spirit that financed your digital empire and raised you to an iconographical status among science fiction fans. To hell with your fans, right?

Why stop with the Star Wars films though. You could revamp all of the Indiana Jones movies and American Graphiti too. Don't bother, however, redoing THX138. That movie was such a pile of crap there is nothing you could do to improve it except possibly disavowing it's existence.

Fucker.