2/14/05 by oldestgenxer

There comes a time in most men's lives when they feel they are lacking something. Or they just need more, you know?
I did some introspective searching, some meditating, some chanting, the thing with the beads, and all that. Then I took a nap. Then it comes to me. All men want more . . . .Johnson. If you know what I mean. I have plenty, more than enough, but if I ever want to kive out my dream of being in porn (and I am through with the gay stuff), I need larger, more impressive equipment.
If you search, you will find that there are various drugs and treatments and even surgeries available, but I went for the easy way out: Supplementation.
So I order the stuff over the internet, and it comes in a plain, brown, inconspicuous wrapping with large type that says "INCREASE YOUR SIZE!"
I follow the directions for the first week, and notice subtle differences, like better aiming for the toilet, and my pants are tighter. But it's not good enough. Against the recommendations on the label, I first double, then triple the dosage. I no longer notice any more increases.
So I again double the dosage, and smile to myself at all of the admiring looks I get. At least, I think that is what they are. After a month of this, it is time to take stock.
I stand naked, and dismayed, in front of the mirror, and now realize just how effective the supplement was. I look at my head, bald, and helmut shaped, and one eye staring back at me. A rounded ridged runs all the way down my body. My feet are now round and hairy, but taut.

I have become a complete dick.