5/3/05 by scott

Man, I'm feeling pretty good today. I just got out of the hospital after that horrible bike accident yesterday, and now I'm gonna just sit here by the side of the road and look cool.

I think I'll just listen to the new Nine Inch Nails album on my trusty iPod...

Hmm... this isn't very good on a first listen. I hope it gets better with age...

Man, my hip kinda hurts from that bike accident yesterday. What was that chick's deal, anyway? She just came out of nowhere and sent me flying! I hope she's locked up somewhere. What a psycho!

Hmm... this song's kinda good. Not as good as any of the previous stuff, but I think I could probably...

ZuBAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!

Oh, holy mother of God, it's her! Oh, Jesus Chist almighty, now I'm sailing through the air in a crumpled heap again! Son of a Bitch, what is that girl's problem!? Why does she keep hitting me? It's almost as if she's keeping score or something! Oh well, sailing through the air like this is kind of soothing! Oh crap, now I'm falling to the street... I'll just try to fall into the arms of that nice little girl with the glasses that caught me yesterday, and everything will be...

OH, HOLY CHRIST! THAT CRAZY BIKE BITCH JUST TELEPORTED UP HERE AND HIT ME AGAIN!!! MOTHERFUCKING SHITBALLS THAT HURTS!!! How the hell did she do that!!???

Oh shit, now I'm sailing really freakin' high. This is really gonna hurt when I hit the pavement. Oh wait, there's another girl. Maybe she can help. Pardon me, miss, but could you possibly put your arms out and catch me, or maybe put out a pillow or something to stop my deadly plummet from the sky?

OH LORD HAVE MERCY, SHE JUST TURNED INTO A SAMURAI AND CUT THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND SENT ME SAILING BACK INTO THE STRATOSPHERE!!!! Oh, sweet Jesus, please make this stop! How could I possibly have a bad enough fortune for this to happen to me!?

Now I'm falling towards this dude. Oh please oh please help me, dude. You gotta stop this madness before I lose consciousness.

CRUNCH!!!

Oh, sorry dude, I didn't mean to kill you and knock all of your books all over the street. But thanks for slowing me down and lowering my trajectory so that I can fall into the arms of this helpful little lady with glasses...

OH< HOLY HELL. WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY IS SHE GANGING UP WITH EVERYBODY TO BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND KNOCK ME EVEN FURTHER!!?? It's like she's using some sort of special move or something! What did I ever do to deserve this? Now I'm flying even higher than ever! What could possibly happen to make this any worse?

COSMIC FORCE FIELD!!??? WHAT THE FUCK!!??? Now I'm hurtling at the speed of light straight outta town. How is this ever going to end??? Oh man, and now that crazy bitch just teleported in the sky and hit me again! Ouch! And again.

Ouch! And again.

This will never stop. I'm doomed to fly through the air forever...

Hey! That glasses girl stopped me! Blessed Holy mother of all that is good, thank you! Glasses Girl, you are my savior. Please take me to the hospital now before the rest of me spleen falls out that hole in my chest.

Man, I must have went, like, 10,000 meters or something...