The Real World of Nostradamus

1/25/04 by philh

Here in the backwoods, DirecTV becomes your best friend. I found myself flipping back and forth between the History Channel and MTV during the ten minute commercial breaks for Chuck Norris' new fitness machine and the Sleep Number bed. The History Channel was airing a special about the prophesies of Nostradamus and MTV had a mind-numbing marathon of The Real World polluting my satellite receiver.

If one is to carefully read the quatrains of Nostradamus' prophesies, a discovery will be made that the soothsayer was predicting the outcome of every Real World episode of the future. The predictions will make the hair stand on the back of your redneck.

Century I, Quatrain III:

This is the true story of seven strangers,
picked to live in a house
to find out what happens when people stop being polite
and start getting real.

Century V, Quatrain XXII:

In a mansion, they will be
discovering who is the fool
seven of them live here for free,
playing endless games of pool.


Century VII, Quatrain XIV:

Beware the unresponsible child
who works in the night at a job,
the fruit of the vine makes her wild,
in the hot tub, she'll rub his knob.


Century XXI, Quatrain III:

In the confessional they shall cry,
weekly, away from all the rest.
Repeating episodes will make you die
Robin has really big breasts.

These are the quatrains in their full, loosely translated text. Ancient French is difficult for me to translate exactly, so I took the liberty of adding a few words for effect. Any similarities you see between these forecasts and The Real World are purely coincidental.... or are they?