3/14/04 by scott

Game Misconduct 2004 was a rousing success, thanks to the organization efforts of Phil G and Brock, along with the good-natured competitiveness of all the participants. Phil H got a lot of good video footage with post-game interviews, which we hope to post here later. But for now we've got scores, highlights, and photos of all the action.

Here's a wrap-up of what went down on Saturday:

























The Combatants:

Phil G: Phil G is probably the favorite of this tournament, since it was mostly his idea in the first place, plus he's been playing video game hockey since before he was born. He has written several Game Misconduct-related articles, and obviously knows the strategies to win. Here he is shown sporting his t-shirt entry, a stencilled mugshot of St Louis Blues brawler Dallas Drake.
Phil H: Phil H is another favorite in this competition, since he spends a lot of time playing video game hockey with Brock and the other Phil. Here he is showing off his prize winning t-shirt entry. Enjoy that copy of Slap Shot, Mr. H!
B-Rock: Owner of B-Rock arena, this guy is another top contender for the cup, since a lot of hockey gets played and watched at his house. Here he is showing off his second-place winning t-shirt design.
Adam: Winner of the 1922 Boone County Baby Show, this guy is one to watch. Rumor has it that he's been practicing a lot, so watch out!	Racheal: The only female in the competition, and really didn't want to participate in the first place. She also started off with the handicap of having little to no sleep the night before.
Scott: Scott has never played this particular version of NHL, but has played other video game hockey. His main goal for the evening is to drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels, so his chances don't look so good.	Rich: Rich has also never played this game before, but he's a wily rascal, so underestimating him could be fatal. He's wearing a t-shirt designed by Scott.
Todd: Born with a Playstation controller in his hand, Todd has probably played more video games than the rest of us combined. After being schooled by Phil G, Todd went and bought a copy of NHL 2001 and has been practicing like crazy. So now he's very dangerous.

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The day started off with Phil G emceeing the opening ceremony. To begin with, the t-shirts were judged, and Phil H took home the prize, a copy of Slap Shot on DVD. Brock came in a close second, and everyone else tied for third. Congratulations, Mr. H, and all who participated. Next year we hope to have a t-shirt design contest ahead of time with the winning design screenprinted on a t-shirt for all contestants.

Next, the prizes were announced. The winner of the tournament would receive $30 and the magnificent Stanley Cup (see image below.) Second place would net $10. In addition, there was also another coveted prize, the douche award. The winner of this prize would be the contestant with the highest average douche goals per game. Douche goals happen when your goalie makes a save, but then dumps the puck back out prematurely, letting the other team score. These kind of goals are dirty, but usually happen because we're all impatient.

Also in the opening ceremony was the draft. Each contestant's name was put in a bag, and names were drawn to determine who picked his or her team first. The results of the draft are as follows. The order may be skewed a little because I didn't write it down at the time, but the teams are right.

1. Rich (Colorado Avalanche)
2. Racheal (New Jersey Devils)
3. Phil G. (Dallas Stars)
4. Brock (Philidelphia Flyers)
5. Todd (Detroit Redwings)
6. Scott (Toronto Maple Leafs)
7. Adam (Buffalo Sabres)
8. Phil H (St. Louis Blues)

After the draft, the ceremonial beer was opened and passed around. Then, the action started! The first round was eight games, each player playing the computer in the first round. The official bracket is shown below, but it doesn't include first round games, so don't make the mistake of thinking Scott went out in the first round. Here are game by game details:

ROUND ONE

Game 1 - Racheal vs. Com
NJ 1
FLA 2
Racheal went out in the first round, the only player to do so. However, she can take comfort in the fact that she did score the winning goal, only for the other team. Racheal attributed her loss to lack of sleep, not lack of skill. The jury's still out on that one.

Game 2 - Brock vs. Com
PIT 0
PHI 5
Brock stomped all over the computer in this game. No surprises there.

Game 3 - Scott vs. Com
ATL 1
TOR 8
Scott had a little trouble in the first and second periods, when he had outshot the computer by about 30-9, but it was tied 1-1. It just seemed like nothing was going Toronto's way. But then, in the third period, Scott came back to score 7 goals, a Game Misconduct record for most goals scored in one period.

Game 4 - Adam vs. Com
TB 1
BUF 4
Adam beat the computer, aided by Satan.

Game 5 - Rich vs. Com
COL 3
NAS 0
Even though he had never played this game before, Rich had no problem beating Nashville 3-0.

Game 6 - Phil G vs. Com
CMB 0
DAL 8
Phil G. had no problem making the computer his bitch. In fact, Dallas dominated the game so much that we only saw Columbus's goal 4 times the entire game. In the end, Dallas outshot Columbus 73-2, which I believe is a record.

Game 7 - Todd vs. Com
EDM 0
DET 10
Todd also made the computer his bitch, setting a record for most number of goals in a game. He outshot the computer 59-1.

Game 8 - Phil H vs. Com
MIN 0
STL 5
Phil H guided the St. Louis Blues to an easy first round victory and outshot the Minnesota Wild 48-5.

ROUND TWO

Game 1 - Brock vs. Com
FLA 0
PHI 11
Since Racheal went out in the first round, Brock got to play the computer again in the second round, scoring an easy victory and shattering the record Todd set just minutes before. Florida showed none of the tenacity they displayed in the first round, and just let Philly run them over.

Game 2 - Scott vs. Adam
BUF 3
TOR 2
What a game. Toronto still had some accuracy problems, as they shot like a machine gun but never found the back of the net in the first two periods. Buffalo took advantage of that, taking a 2-0 lead into the third. But the Maple Leafs, guided by a whiskey-fueled coach Powers, came back with two goals in the third to take it to OT. Unfortunately, Adam then cheated like a motherfucker and scored, sending Scott packing back to the windy city. Of Toronto.

Game 3 - Phil H vs. Rich
STL 3
COL 0
Experience was a deciding factor on Saturday, as evidenced by this game where the veteran Phil H defeated the rookie Rich 3-0. Sources say Hamil also cheated.

Game 4 - Phil G vs. Todd
DET 0
DAL 3
No one knew who to root for in this game. Everyone wanted Phil G out of the tournament because Dallas was manhandling every opponent. But Todd was playing Detroit, and it would bring shame to the good name of Game Misconduct if those commies won the cup. But we didn't have to worry about that, since Phil held Todd scoreless the whole game. Todd put up a valiant effort though, and added, "Phil sucks. He turned his goalie boost all the way up. Fuck face."

ROUND THREE

Game 1 - Brock vs. Adam
BUF 1
PHI 8
I'm not sure what happened here, since by this point I was pretty whiskeyed up. But it would appear by the score that Brock whooped the shit out of Adam. I guess I'm glad I didn't win in the second round and go out like this. At least I went out battling instead of lying down. But then again, I lost to the team that got beaten 8-1. Oh well.

Game 2 - The battle of the Phils
STL 1
DAL 2
Probably the most exciting game of the series. Hamil was able to contain Dallas's explosive offense the whole game and managed to keep the score tied until the end of regulation. In the first OT, Graff almost let in a douche goal, making him the closest to that award thus far. The two titans managed to keep it tied going into OT2, until Phil G scored the winning goal, which I believe was cheap, if I remember correctly. Overall, though, the shots were pretty even at 36-20 Dallas, and this game had everyone on the edge of their seats.

CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!!!!

Brock vs. Phil G
DAL 5
PHI 3
I don't really know what happened this game. Right before the first faceoff, I spilled a cup of Jack and Coke on Brock's floor, and then I spent the first one and a half periods trying to clean it up. I'm not sure why it took me that long, but I do remember running back and forth to the kitchen about a million times to get more paper towels. I think I used a whole roll. But when I got back to the game, Phil was up 4-1, and they tell me Brock has a douche goal. Brock then came back to score 2 in the second to bring it to 4-3, but Phil put it away in the third with the fifth and final goal.

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Images from the contest:

Everyone hanging out at the arena watching Brock take Philly to a first round victory.	The Stanley Cup!
The douche award! Given to the player who makes his goalie dump the puck when the opposing team is swarmed around his goal. Such a goal is considered 'dirty', and as such, must be washed thoroughly.	One of Brock's players argues with the ref.
Todd scored 10 goals in a game, which was the record until Brock scored 11 against the computer in the second round.	The bracket! Racheal technically shouldn't be on this, since she lost in the first round to the computer.
Todd and Phil battle it out!	Everyone's watching intently, except for Phil G, who can whoop ass without even looking at the screen.
Phil G and Brock are in the Game Misconduct Finals!	Phil and Brock battle it out for the cup!
Scott completes his goal of drinking this whole bottle of Jack Daniels, which may explain why he went out in the second round.	Brock wins the douche award. Even though no one actually scored a douche goal, Brock came the closest.
Phil G is presented with the 2004 Stanley Cup!	Congratulations, asshole! There's no respect for the winners around here...